Chapter 1

In the year 2050 New Jersey and New York are entirely flat.  It was part of Mayor Georgina Bloomberg’s Mountain Shave Act of 2028.  There are no banks. Architectural laws have been enacted that prohibit the construction of any diagonal planes. People are only allowed to move up and down, and left and right because space has become limited due to over population.  Additionally, because of drastic changes in climate, the outside world has become uninhabitable.  Everyone on the east coast lives in Freedom Tower, which is an enormous structure that spans from Cape May to White Plains to Bridgeport.  Everywhere else is decimated.  Artificial sunlight heats the people and is controlled by the tower’s operator, Walt Disney, who suffers severe brain trauma.  All food is synthesized from the recycled materials of our waste.  All water is absorbed through pores we have developed due to extreme humidity.  There is a constant mist in the air to hydrate the people, because the people have forgotten how to swallow liquid.  When people want to get drunk they have to spray themselves with liquor.  The operator constantly monitors the tower using audio and video recording devices which have become oppressively sophisticated.  Everyone is aware of every action and word that occurs so that everyone is confused by the echoes of the past.  Moments of clarity are only experienced by the chosen one, Evan Gallagher.  No one can perceive anything because it is like everyone is always high on crack.  Newport and Exxon partnered up and now make slow burning cigarettes, slow burning male and female enhancement cigarettes, and long burning eye drops. People have also evolved smoking holes in their left armpits so that smoke can go directly into their lungs.  Every girl looks like an Eskimo and every boy looks like Barbra Streisand, except for Evan Gallagher. 

Evan Gallagher, sort of a brute, is the only surviving team Saf member.  All he does is talk about You Had Your Chance 2 and Odvd, which he claims will drop around 2055, vehemently to anyone who listens.  His cavernous eyes, fatigued by many monotonous badwitits are bloodshot because he just smoked paper.  Straight paper is the only remaining organic source of smoke known to exist.  He just smoked a rolled up page of enders game because he realized that book is stupid.  The police are about to come; he shouldn't have smoked paper.  Evan begins to smoke a newport to cover the smell.  However, with pain in his brain and thoughts about to arise, he collapses on his aspirations and falls back into a dream, his lips quivering “safyo cellas” as he doses off into piss water.