Fat Bald Men

Last spring and summer I got stoked on dirt and trails again.  I used to ride these dirt jumps in this kids backyard when I was younger and then rode the trails in Paramus, they had a cool name but I forget what it was.  Obviously I wasn't very good, I just had fun trying to get through an entire set.  If I was lucky I would have enough air time to click an x-up.  One time Dolecki took a picture of me doing an x-up and I was so siked but I never saw the picture.  Anyway, last spring I decided to start building at this spot in Closter, NJ, where apparently there were legit trails there way back in the day.  Since I was 13 there's only been worn out piles of dirt there.   So when I was only able to ride on weekdays when there was nobody to ride with and nowhere to go without getting kicked out, I just bought a shovel and started digging.  I wanted to make the jumps perfectly sculpted like the ones you see in magazines but I didn't have the time or patience for that and I didn't have long term plans for the place, so I just piled up branches and threw a lot of dirt over them.  I have no idea if that's how most people build trails but it worked for me.  Gathering big sticks from the woods took forever and I ended up getting some wild poison ivy all over my body and it lasted for two weeks.  I even had to go to jury duty in Hackensack and I was like "Oh my fucking god I'm so fucking itchy drop the case drop the case!"  They settled without a jury so I didn't have to send anybody to jail for the sake of going home real quick and bathing in cortizone.  Anyway, when I needed to throw dirt over the pile of sticks, I had to dig a foot deep to find clay like soil.  I was getting into this show called American Diggers, so I was trying to dig really deep in one spot hoping I would find something cool.  I ended up digging this one hole that was almost 5 feet deep and big enough to drop a dead body in.  One time when I was in the hole, this old hippie looking guy came into the woods with a group of ten hot high school girls.  We just stared at each other from far away and I could tell we were both thinking "what the fuck are you doing here?"  Well they started clearing sticks and stuff and were building walking trails.  Probably for a community service project or something.  I thought it was pretty cool that we were both there to build trails.  I smiled and waved to the good looking girls and they seemed stoked that I was sweaty without a shirt on.  I ended up spending a lot of time in the woods trying to build a sweet set of trails.  I would listen to Lucero and imagine that I rode for FBM and had mad homies with me sitting around a fire with a couple of dogs or something.  I ended up completing a tight bump jump/roller thing that was really tricky to get through, a low and mellow jump with a 7 foot gap, and a jump that launched the hell out of you into a big landing that would send you into this berm that I never actually got right.  I would wear a helmet and peddle fast as hell through the first two jumps and then blast a moto-whip on the big jump.  I felt so badass.  One day I came to the trails to see that the first jump got messed up by some kid with mountain bike tires.  I was worn out and lacked the motivation to keep them going so I just gave up right then and there.  I don't have any pictures of them on my computer but once I can get a scanner I'll upload some that I have. Below are some old pics of me riding the jumps that I used to ride.

Anyway, this was really long and I'm just going to get to the point.  FBM posted this on the internet the other day and it's like the best thing ever made.



Thousand Yard Stare Full Video. from FBM BMX on Vimeo.